- Ralph Waldo Emerson
My wife always asks me how my day was when I get in from work. My usual answer is "fine." There are occasions when I share a particularly fun or notable meeting. Two weeks ago I shared that I had an enjoyable lunch with my friend George. We had spent an hour and a half catching up on life. George had recently been on a unique trip which was sort of a spiritual pilgrimage overseas. It was fascinating hearing him talk about his journey and it moved me.
Often Cyndi knows the people in my stories. This time she did not and asked me how I knew George. Which made me think. How did I know George? We didn't go to school or grow up together. We never worked together. We live on the opposite side of the rivers. We don't go to church together.. It wasn't through our kids. About a year ago I was speaking at a men's conference in the North Hills. Over lunch, I grabbed a spot to sit at a table by myself. A few minutes later George walked up and asked if he could join me. We introduced ourselves and asked the usual questions. Where do you live, work, go to church? We discovered our offices were within a block of each other downtown. We exchanged business cards and said we should grab lunch. A month or two later one of us emailed the other to get together. We have had lunch 2 or 3 times since we first met and became friends. George receives these emails so he can concur or correct anything if I'm wrong! (Hopefully, it's not the part where I say we are friends!)
Statistics tell us that loneliness is pervasive in our culture today. Despite being "connected" on social media, we are missing relationships. Whether you are trying to make your workplace or community a better place or if you feel isolated and looking for friends. my relationship with George serves as a lesson, or refresher course, on building friendships. How did we build a friendship?
1) George noticed me. I was sitting by myself and George noticed. He needed a place to sit and reached out. As you walk through your office during the day, do so with your head up and eyes open. It's amazing who you'll see.
2) We asked questions. They were the basic building block type. but it was a place to start. Before you jump in talking about yourself, which is easy to do for many of us, let the other person talk. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Covey
3) We listened to each other. People can tell you are listening by the follow-up questions you ask. George said he was a lawyer. So I asked where he worked, what type of law he practiced and where he went to school. He did the same for me. It took our conversation deeper. But the follow-up questions come from listening. Years ago I was waiting for my wife in the mall and a guy sat on the bench next to me and asked me what I was doing. I replied I was waiting for my wife. His follow up? Are you married? Not a good listener.
4) We followed up. So many people say let's get together and never call. Take the chance and email an invite. I have done this many times with people and not gotten a response. That's ok, not every contact turns into a friendship. What's the saying? "You miss every shot you don't take." Gretzky
The world is in need of people who will reach out and be a friend. So many of you do this naturally. For others, it's hard work. In either case, let's all look around the office and our community and see if we can reach out to someone new in the new year. George, thanks for starting a conversation that led to a friendship!