Father's Day

Yesterday was Father's Day. For some that is a great day to celebrate their dads. For some it stirs wonderful memories. For others it is a cause of pain because they had an abusive or absent father. I am fortunate that my dad was a great one!

He was brought up the son of Italian immigrants in NYC. He enlisted in the USAF and served in the Korean War. He came back and joined the NYPD where he served for 26 years. After a couple years of retirement, he became Chief Deputy Sheriff of Pike County in northeast Pennsylvania. He wasn't a saint, nor was he perfect. But he was one heck of a man. As I look back over his life, I'm reminded of the things he taught me. He wasn’t big on talks or lectures, but I remember vividly watching how he lived. And there were many things I learned from watching.

1) I learned what my wedding vow to love my wife for better or worse by watching him love my mother through her long battle with cancer, when I was a kid. As she suffered, he cared for her, nursed her, and stood by her, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, until death did they part. It’s one thing to say those words. It’s quite another to live them out.

2) I learned how to go the extra mile for my family by watching him care for, live with, and love his mom, dad and aunt who lived with us for most of my childhood. I learned what hustle and perseverance was from him.

3) I learned how to be faithful and diligent at work watching him burn the candle at both ends to provide for us all, no matter what it took. I remember hearing the term, “moonlighting” when he would leave at night to hustle up some more income to support our family.

4) I learned how to love my sons by watching him work his tail off bringing his 4 sons up EVEN while caring for my dying mother and aging grandparents. I remember him sitting on hard gym bleachers for weekends on end reading a book and watching me at wrestling tournaments. From the time I was young through college!

5) I learned how to love my community and country by watching his example of service and by the pride that exuded from him over my three brothers and their military service.

6) I learned how to be a grandpa by watching him loving my sons. The last time he was with my sons in Pittsburgh before his death, he lined the 4 of them up and with a big smile as he went down the line, grabbed each of them by the face, kissed them, and said, "I love you. I'm proud of you. Listen to your parents or I'll kick you in the butt."

In a world with many words, where talk has become extremely cheap, how are you living? Whether it's the workplace, home, school or neighborhood, people are watching. What are they learning from watching you?

It Never Hurts To Ask

How good is your memory? It seems at times that my memory is very selective. At least I seem to remember some things and lessons better than others. For example, last Monday I had a chance to go to see the Steelers game against the Colts in Indianapolis.  We sat in the best seats we ever had.  Fourth row right on the 50 yard line. Thank you to my friend Eric. I had mentioned to him in August that I was thinking of getting tickets because my son Mark lived an hour from Indy. Eric mentioned he had a contact who might be able to get us tickets. He said he wasn't sure of availability but he used a phrase we often use. He said, "It never hurts to ask!"  So I asked him to ask his friend, his friend asked his contact, and we got great seats!

Almost everything about the game was great. If there was one thing I could have changed it was the guy who sat behind me. It was like having a 2- year old sitting behind you on a plane. He kicked, pushed and punched my seat for most of the game. It was a constant distraction. It was the only hiccup in an otherwise fantastic night. When I got home the next day and shared about the night before, including the vibrating chair, my son JT said, "Did you ask the guy to stop?"  The quick answer was no to which JT replied, "It never hurts to ask."  Hey, I know that phrase.  That's how I got the tickets in the first place.  Why did I forget so quickly? Why did I fail to ask??  Why do any of us not ask for what we need?

• Don't want to rock the boat

• Afraid of being told no

• Want to avoid a potential conflict

• Feelings of insecurity

• Just don't want to use the energy

There can be many reasons.  But to me, I want to remember that most times it doesn't hurt to ask. And oftentimes when you ask, it rewards those who do. Sometimes even with 50 yard line seats in the 4th row!

When Things Get Better, Will I Go Back To DOING More And Praying Less?

I was asked to write a short article for a men's ministry group at which I speak occasionally. I don't usually share such "devotionals" in my Monday Morning Encouragement, But I thought it would be ok this once in such unique times. Even if faith is not a part of your life, I encourage you to read on and see how the principle in the article applies to your life.  What have you learned, earned or had burned into your spirit that you will carry with you as life progresses back to what we are used to?  When you head back to the office in the future, what will be different about you?

October 6th, 1993 Michael Jordan retired from basketball in the prime of his career. I remember this because it was the first thing I saw on TV when I woke up from a 7-hour back surgery. I thought I was hallucinating. I was a 30 year old former athlete who was just hoping to walk again. I spent the next two weeks mostly on my back. For a very active, Type-A person it was excruciating. I couldn’t DO anything.

But God met me where I was. He called me to spend more time with Him. To pray. To turn over all I could not do to His care and trust Him to do it. It was an amazing time of intimacy with Jesus and watching Him work. My times of prayer and worship had never been so good. But something happened. I got better.

As my back healed I was up and about more. I got back to work. And as I was able to DO more, I began to pray less. You think I would have learned. But despite a hard situation forcing me to pray and trust God more and watching Him work, I fell into the bad habit of DOING first and praying later.

Today we find ourselves in a hard situation forcing us to pray and trust God more and watching Him work. We are at the end of our rope which has forced us to cling to the Lord. My prayer life has again been transformative. The question is, when things get better, and they will, will I go back to DOING more and praying less? Or will I allow the Holy Spirit to transform me and my prayer life permanently?

Lord God, use this difficult period of time to make me a person who always “prays without ceasing.” Not just in the hard times, but at all times.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight  

Proverbs 3:5-6 

A Silver Lining In Every Cloud

We have all heard the phrase “a silver lining in every cloud”. Ever wonder where that came from?

John Milton coined the phrase 'silver lining' in his poem Comus: A Mask Presented at Ludlow Castle, 1634:

I see ye visibly, and now believe

That he, the Supreme Good, to whom all things ill

Are but as slavish officers of vengeance,

Would send a glistering guardian, if need were

To keep my life and honour unassailed.

Was I deceived, or did a sable cloud

Turn forth her silver lining on the night?

I did not err; there does a sable cloud

Turn forth her silver lining on the night,

And casts a gleam over this tufted grove.

Since Covid-19 has come into all of our lives, we have had to search again for those silver linings as many, if not all of us, are facing some cloudy days. The one theme of comfort I hear, again and again, is that we are all in this together. When things get difficult, it is always reassuring to know people can relate to your struggles.

I have been experiencing an unexpected silver lining in my life. I am one of the more than 1,000,000 people in this country that live with Multiple Sclerosis. When you have MS, you are forced to deal with uncertainty, periods of social distancing and lots and lots of hand washing. Most MS patients require therapies that suppress the immune system, so trying to avoid getting sick is a big deal. But the thing that really gets you is that thought of “am I going to be ok?”

The MS community is incredible. Quickly, you learn that you aren’t alone. Fellow patients, doctors, nurses, therapists and family members rally to support you in the journey. You learn valuable methods to deal with the challenges. In other words, we are all in this together.

My silver lining during the Covid-19 crisis is that for the first time in a while I am the one offering the comfort and advice. I get calls of concern because people have heard or read that individuals with MS are in a “higher risk” category. Quickly, I tell them not to worry and that I’ve been doing this for a while. We talk about the interactive workouts I follow on social media specific to MS, the joy I’ve found in walking through my neighborhood to get some exercise and the quality time I have learned to spend with my family. We talk about saying a prayer during hand washing to make sure you are washing long enough to kill the germs, the new diet I follow because I’m not as active as I once was, and some of the unexpected new hobbies I have discovered during this journey. Finally, I talk about my new heroes who wear scrubs instead of capes. We can never thank our healthcare workers enough. 

Like Covid-19, I didn’t ask for MS. It just happened. At first, you can’t believe it. Then, you just don’t want to believe it. Eventually, you get to place of believing in yourself and those around you. I walk around with the belief that I am a better person with MS. My habits are healthier, my relationships are stronger and I don’t take a single day for granted. How did I get here? One silver lining at a time!

Hey, I’m no John Milton. My words will never be as eloquent. Just because I read a poem doesn’t take away all of the anxiety I have with Covid-19 or MS. These cloudy days may be around for a while. But, the skies will clear. Will you be so bold to think that you will come out of this better than you were before? I believe you will because we are all in this together.

Mike Hoffman is a Pittsburgh Experiment Board member. He is a Vice President with First Commonwealth Bank and has a BA from Villanova University and an MS from Duquesne University. Mike and his wife, Christy, have 4 children and live in Mt Lebanon. They are parishioners at St. John Capistran. Mike is a Chartered Advisor in Philanthropy (CAP©) and has been involved in several charitable endeavors. He is currently a Board Member of the Mt. Lebanon Community Foundation. Mike is part of the Thursday Steel Building lunch group and has brought numerous new attendees.

The Tougher The Battle, The Sweeter The Victory

I grew up in Queens, New York City, a stone's throw away from Shea Stadium.  I grew up loving the Mets.  When I moved to Pittsburgh in 1988 I became a huge Pirates fan!  The Pirate fans at that time lived off of the World Series victories of 1960, '71 and 79.  I was amazed at how many people were "at" the 1960 Game 7, Bill Mazeroski's home run game!  The seating capacity at Forbes Field was 35-40,000.  But based on those who "were there" apparently it sat 100's of thousands that day.   I think there were people born after 1960 who claimed to have been at that game!

The first Sunday we were living in Pittsburgh we met a family we are still friends with to this day. Don Brown, the patriarch, became one of my mentors, most vociferous supporter, and a dear friend.  He and his whole clan became our surrogate family here in Pittsburgh.  One day I was at his home and he invited me into his office for some reason.  While he was combing through some files I noticed the well-known photo of Maz crossing home plate after his home run displayed on the wall.  I sarcastically made the comment, "Were you there like everyone else in Pittsburgh claims to have been?"  He told me to look at the picture.  I told him I was looking at the picture.  In Don's inimitable way he said, "Look closer, smart guy."  Low and behold, in that famous photo, in the lower left-hand part of the picture, on the first base side of home plate, was a young Don Brown.  Suit and sunglasses on, holding on to his brother, Marshall.  Don claims he only jumped on the field to chase Marshall and his other brother, Duncan, who he thought was going to be run over by the mob of people rushing to swarm Maz.  From the smile on his face in the photo, I never quite believed him.

I loved and admired Don for many reasons.  But as a baseball fanatic, I was envious that he was part of something about which I could only dream.  I felt a sort of vicarious pride, that out of all the people who claimed to be at Forbes Field that day, I was friends with someone who was actually on the field, who actually lived through that moment of history and who was able to tell his kids and grand-kids about it. He was able to celebrate it first hand, not only that historic day, but for decades to come.

We are living through a much greater moment in time and we find ourselves right in the middle of the field of play.  It’s not fun or joyful.  No one would voluntarily choose to part of it.  It's anxiety-riddled.  It's lonely.  It’s depressing.  It's difficult.  The list goes on. Between the health crisis and financial crash, history may remember this as the worse crisis our nation has ever lived through. 

But remember someday we will get to tell our kids and grandkids about it.  And like Maz and the mob crushing in around him, we will get to tell of the celebration that ensued as we triumphantly crossed home plate.  Maybe not today.  Or this week.  Or even for a few months.  But someday.  Remember, Maz hit that home run in the bottom of the ninth in Game 7.  Heck, we are only in the early innings. Hang in there.  The tougher the battle, the sweeter the victory!  Looking forward to walking with you through this, and even more excited to celebrate victory somewhere down the road.

The "I Got A Guy" Guy

Do you know someone who is the, "I got a guy," guy?   I do, and he is spectacular.  Ken is the man who runs the Oliver Garage in which I park downtown.  I met him over two years ago.  He is the guy who said good morning with a big smile whenever you pulled in.  He usually does that while having a conversation with another patron.  He is kind to everyone.  I see him smiling and chatting with all the customers.  Young, old, man, woman, black, white well-dressed or not, driving a Mercedes or a Chevy Equinox (me!).  One day early on in our friendship he saw me walking by the garage and asked me where I parked.  When I told him down the street because his garage said "Full" he told me just pull in, I'll park it.  Which he does for me often.  

This month Kenny was supposed to get surgery on his knee.  When I asked him about it he told me "I got a guy who saw me and said no need."  It was the doctor for one of our pro sports teams whom he had met in the garage.  Last week he had chest pain,  I told him not to mess around and go to the doctor.  He said, "I got a guy I'm gonna call.”   Again it was some high-end physician who was vacationing in Spain.  One day he noticed my car said it needed an oil change.  He told me he had a guy.  I mentioned I was trying to connect with executive headhunters.  He introduced me the next week to a guy who happened to live one street away from me, whom I recognized but had never met. But Kenny knew him.  And what he did. And where he lived. By the way, Kenny is married for over 20 years to a woman whom he met while working!  

How does my friend Ken "have" so many guys and gals?  I'm convinced it's because he treats people the right way. They aren't just "guys" he knows.  They truly are friends. How does he do it?

1. He says hello with a big smile to everyone.

2. He asks questions and listens to your response

3. He exercises servant leadership.  He always goes the extra mile.

4. He seeks first to understand, then to be understood. (Covey)

5. He lives as if he is the owner of the business, not an employee. 

Want to be a better boss, try doing these things today.

Want to be a better teammate,  try doing these things today.

Want to be a better salesperson, lawyer, or doctor,  try doing these things today.

How about a better, spouse, parent, friend.......... try doing these things today.

These habits are not new or fancy.  But put them into play and watch what happens

“If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude.” ―Colin Powell

Think Smaller

I used to travel through Denver and Charlotte a good bit, but never experienced Executive Shine. I highly recommend you click on the link here and read their story. It will brighten your day and challenge your business mindset! Let me know what you think! How could you implement some of these principles in your place of work?

"So much of the business culture remains fixated on strategic disruption, digital transformation, and the meteoric rise (and disastrous fall) of venture-backed unicorns. What if we took just a moment to think a little smaller, to act a lot more humbly, to elevate the person-to-person interactions that lead to more meaningful relationships? Sure, successful companies and leaders think differently from everyone else. But they also care more than everyone else—about customers, about colleagues, about how the whole organization conducts itself when there are so many opportunities to cut corners and compromise on values. In a world being utterly reshaped (and often disfigured) by technology, people are hungrier than ever for a deeper and more authentic sense of humanity."

Wake Up With Joy In Your Heart & a Renewed Energy

I spent my Saturday as I have spent many winter weekends over the last 50 years.  In a gym filled with wrestling mats!  I wrestled in my first tournament as an 8-year-old.  It did not go well.  Bloody nose and humiliating defeat.  I learned I didn’t like losing.  But I loved wrestling.  So I kept on doing it.  Through elementary school, junior high, high school and college.  I enjoyed a lot of good times, great successes and great friendships.  I also had some humiliating defeats, frustrating efforts and painful injuries. 

After college I got involved in coaching.  Varsity, Junior Varsity, Junior High and Youth.  Many of our teams and athletes enjoyed a lot of good times, great successes and great friendships.  We also had some humiliating defeats, frustrating efforts and painful injuries.

As a parent, all four of my sons wrestled.  The hardest role to play by far!  The boys enjoyed a lot of good times, great successes and great friendships. They all brought home a lot of hardware! They also had some humiliating defeats, frustrating efforts and painful injuries.  A few surgeries as well.

My sons are grown now, but I’m still coaching.  This Saturday I was with some junior varsity athletes getting them some match experience.  We enjoyed a lot of good times, great successes and great friendships.  Three of our wrestlers took 1st place.  We also had some humiliating defeats, frustrating efforts and painful injuries. One young man got pinned 5 times.  All in one day!

I love this sport. I’ve learned that is a microcosm of life.  In my life personally and professionally I have enjoyed a lot of good times, great successes and great friendships.  I also had some humiliating defeats, frustrating efforts and painful injuries.  But what I’ve learned in the wrestling room generally works in life.

I’ve learned to be graceful in victory as well as defeat, although I prefer one over the other!

If you don’t like losing, work hard and get better.  A little sweat goes a long way.

Be grateful for your success in life.

Enjoy the friendships you make along the way; life is meant to be done in relationship.

Humiliating defeats will happen.  Take them in stride and be ready to dust yourself off and try again.

Pain and injuries are real and inevitable.  Take the time to heal and seek expert help if necessary.

No matter how today goes down, wake up tomorrow with joy in your heart and a renewed energy to start the day! I never had a wrestling season that ended in a victory.  In my career, every season ended in one final loss and me coming up a little short of my goal.  I guess I could have quit.  Instead I chose to get up the next day with a grateful heart and a renewed energy to start the chase again!  May that be true in my life every day, regardless of what season it is!

It’s Difficult To Be Overwhelmed & Grateful At The Same Time

In a recent Pittsburgh Business Times interview, Dan Adamski, senior managing director of JLL, a Fortune 500 commercial real estate services and property investment firm which has grown the Pittsburgh office from five to more than 550 employees since he started there, was asked about dealing with stress.  He believes that life lessons learned while serving in the Marines have been instrumental in maintaining his work-life balance during his career in commercial real estate.  

How do you cope with the most demanding aspects of your job?

Daily exercise is essential for relieving the physical aspects of stress, but stepping back occasionally and regaining perspective is key for my mental well-being. Having never left western Pennsylvania growing up, my experiences overseas in the Marine Corps provided invaluable perspective regarding how incredibly fortunate we are to live in our portion of the greatest country on Earth. I’ve learned it’s difficult to be overwhelmed and grateful at the same time.

It’s difficult to be overwhelmed and grateful at the same time.  It's hard to be angry and grateful at the same time.  It's also hard to be anxious, nervous, jealous or insecure and grateful at the same time.  What a great reminder.  How do you put that into play in your life?  One thought, instead of making resolutions this year, make a gratitude list.  Write down things for which you are thankful. When your mind is assailed with negative feelings and thoughts, pull out your gratitude list and mull it over for a few minutes.  See how meditating and saturating your mind with thankfulness gets you refocused in a positive way!  There are many reasons to be drawn to the negative.  Life is hard.  But do the mental work of thinking right!  St. Paul said, "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Happy New Year and blessings on you in 2020.  Make it a great year!  I'm going to start on my gratitude list!

The Only Way to Have a Friend Is To Be One

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

My wife always asks me how my day was when I get in from work.  My usual answer is "fine."  There are occasions when I share a particularly fun or notable meeting.  Two weeks ago I shared that I had an enjoyable lunch with my friend George.  We had spent an hour and a half catching up on life.  George had recently been on a unique trip which was sort of a spiritual pilgrimage overseas.  It was fascinating hearing him talk about his journey and it moved me.  

Often Cyndi knows the people in my stories.  This time she did not and asked me how I knew George.  Which made me think.  How did I know George?  We didn't go to school or grow up together.  We never worked together.  We live on the opposite side of the rivers.  We don't go to church together..  It wasn't through our kids. About a year ago I was speaking at a men's conference in the North Hills. Over lunch, I grabbed a spot to sit at a table by myself.  A few minutes later George walked up and asked if he could join me.  We introduced ourselves and asked the usual questions.  Where do you live, work, go to church? We discovered our offices were within a block of each other downtown.  We exchanged business cards and said we should grab lunch.  A month or two later one of us emailed the other to get together.  We have had lunch 2 or 3 times since we first met and became friends.  George receives these emails so he can concur or correct anything if I'm wrong!  (Hopefully, it's not the part where I say we are friends!)

Statistics tell us that loneliness is pervasive in our culture today.  Despite being "connected" on social media, we are missing relationships. Whether you are trying to make your workplace or community a better place or if you feel isolated and looking for friends. my relationship with George serves as a lesson, or refresher course, on building friendships.  How did we build a friendship?

1)  George noticed me.  I was sitting by myself and George noticed.  He needed a place to sit and reached out. As you walk through your office during the day, do so with your head up and eyes open.  It's amazing who you'll see.

2) We asked questions.  They were the basic building block type. but it was a place to start.  Before you jump in talking about yourself, which is easy to do for many of us, let the other person talk. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”  Covey

3) We listened to each other.  People can tell you are listening by the follow-up questions you ask.  George said he was a lawyer.  So I asked where he worked, what type of law he practiced and where he went to school.  He did the same for me.  It took our conversation deeper. But the follow-up questions come from listening.  Years ago I was waiting for my wife in the mall and a guy sat on the bench next to me and asked me what I was doing.  I replied I was waiting for my wife.  His follow up?  Are you married?  Not a good listener.

4) We followed up.  So many people say let's get together and never call.  Take the chance and email an invite. I have done this many times with people and not gotten a response. That's ok, not every contact turns into a friendship.  What's the saying? "You miss every shot you don't take." Gretzky

The world is in need of people who will reach out and be a friend.  So many of you do this naturally.  For others, it's hard work.  In either case, let's all look around the office and our community and see if we can reach out to someone new in the new year.  George, thanks for starting a conversation that led to a friendship! 

Don't Walk Through Life Alone

Saturday evening I had the privilege of attending a fundraiser for the Navy SEAL Foundation. The Navy SEAL Foundation provides immediate and ongoing support and assistance to the Naval Special Warfare community and its families. We had the opportunity to hear from a couple of members of the SEAL community. The first, "Bam" Smith, is a Mt Lebanon product who served 30 years as a SEAL. While sharing a little about the unbelievable deployments and service he has rendered to our country, Bam focused mostly on the support of his family, particularly his wife. He went out of his way to deflect praise from himself and give it to his family as well as those who served with him. It wasn't merely lip service, it was heartfelt and real!

We also heard from a young woman who shared the powerful story of the service and death of her husband, Heath Robinson, Senior Chief Special Warfare Operator in Afghanistan on August 6, 2011. Not a dry eye in the place. As heartbreaking as her story of loss was, in it was also filled with power and redemption. She spoke of the strength and depth of the support she has received from the SEAL community.

Bam walked with a limp. Mrs. Robinson walked with an ever-present hole in her heart. But a large part of what sustained them is that they didn't walk alone. They had a team. A family. A support structure. A people group, tribe, fellowship, whatever you want to call it, that not only walked with them through horrific times, but at times carried them.

Do you? Some of us may have family, friends, church or other people who do that for us. If so, give thanks for them today! But there are many folks who are surrounded by people but without a "family" to carry them. Don't try to walk through life alone!

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

– Unknown

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.”

― Jane Howard

Finding Fulfillment in Nonwork Communities

Hi Friends,

It has been two years since I began with the Pittsburgh Experiment. Thanks for being part of making it a great couple of years! Since I began my tenure, I have done a lot of reading on how relationships have been replaced with "connections" or "contacts." We are clearly a more connected world that at the same time has grown more isolated and lonely. Here is another article reinforcing those findings.

"It is essential to invest in meaningful relationships outside of work. Our research has repeatedly shown that people who thrive are anchored in at least one or two nonwork communities. This is more than blowing off steam on a treadmill or reading a book alone at night....Making time for nonwork commitments is not just fulfilling; it also helps sustain your mental and physical energy. Relationships outside work broaden our perspective and tap into aspects of our identity that don’t rise and fall with how well things are going in the office."

https://hbrascend.org/topics/to-be-happier-at-work-invest-more-in-your-relationships/?utm_source=DailyEmail&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=DailyNewsletter

I had someone early on tell me that PX groups were struggling and would continue to do so in the future because of social media and the increasingly crazy pace of life. What seems to be more accurate is that PX groups are needed now, more than ever. We provide a warm, welcoming, judgement-free space where all are welcomed into a safe community.

What's preventing you from inviting someone into your group?

What's preventing you from checking out a group yourself this week? Remember, Relationships outside work broaden our perspective and tap into aspects of our identity that don’t rise and fall with how well things are going in the office."

Blessings,
Chris Buda

No One Becomes Great On Their Own

Friday morning I had a chance to attend a men's breakfast where former Steeler player, and current Steeler broadcaster, Tunch Ilkin spoke about football and faith. Tunch is a great and motivational speaker. Everyone I spoke with who attended were pumped up to attack the day. Many of you have attended similar events. They can be very encouraging.

But if you are like me the lift in your positivity level lasts a while then wears off, like your early morning cup of coffee by mid-afternoon. What do you do about it? Wait for the next big event? Hang in there as long as you can until you get another injection of motivation? I would offer there is another way. It's referred to in the following excerpt from Matthew Kelly's book, The Rhythm of Life.

The people we surround ourselves with either raise or lower our standards. They either help us become the best-version-of-ourselves or encourage us to become lesser-versions-of-ourselves. We become like our friends. No man becomes great on his own. No women becomes great on her own. The people around them help make them great. We all need people in our lives who raise our standards, remind us of our essential purpose, and challenge us to become the best-version-of-ourselves.

The best way to stay positive and on top of your game is by spending time regularly with a group of like minded folks who are seeking to be the best-version-of-themselves and want you to be the best-version-of-yourself. People who, "raise our standards," and "remind us of our purpose." People like those you find in your Pittsburgh Experiment groups. If you are not in a group, contact me and I can get you a list of current groups. If you are in a group, consider inviting a co-worker who could use a place and a group of people to help encourage them to grow professionally, personally and spiritually. You don't have to be an ex-NFL star to be a motivation and encouragement. Be yourself. And love your neighbor. That may be the best motivation they get this year! And make sure you are plugged in to a group who builds you. As they say in flight instructions on a plane, in case of loss of cabin pressure, make sure your oxygen mask is secure before helping those around you.

Blessings,
Chris Buda

The people you surround yourself with really matters!

I listened to a Malcolm Gladwell podcast on the drive to town this morning. (link below) He was discussing his thoughts on high performing individuals He did the podcast alongside his friend, Adam Grant, an Organizational Psychologist. They shared the results of a couple of studies to show how impactful being around the right team was to individual success.

Google brought in Grant to study their company and asked him what one thing he would have them change as an organization. Grant noted that all of Google's greatest innovations came about through teams. Grant suggested that he would do "lift outs." Hire whole teams. Promote whole teams. Fire whole teams. Teams outperform individuals. He said he would not focus on high-performing individuals, but on highly successful teams. The people you surround yourself with really matters!

Gladwell referenced a NASA study of airline accidents. 75% of all airline accidents occur when crews are flying together for the first time. Furthermore, the study showed a well rested, freshly trained crew working together for the first time consistently under-performed a tired crew who just pulled an all-nighter, but who had regularly served together. The people you surround yourself with really matters!

Gladwell also referenced a study on cardiac surgeons that found their success rates were tied into which teams the surgeons worked with more than his/her training, experience, or how rested they were. The people you surround yourself with really matters!

So the question is, with whom do you surround yourself? We can't all choose who our companies hire. Most of us can't dictate who is on our work team. But we can choose to intentionally build in time to surround ourselves with positive people. With healthy people. With people who will love us enough to listen to us and speak truth into us. Hopefully those are people in your Pittsburgh Experiment group. But wherever you find those people, find them. The people you surround yourself with really matters!

As Darren Hardy writes in The Compound Effect:

“According to research by social psychologist Dr. David McClelland of Harvard, [the people you habitually associate with] determine as much as 95 percent of your success or failure in life.”

https://podcasts.google.com/?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5mZWVkYnVybmVyLmNvbS9SZXZpc2lvbmlzdEhpc3Rvcnk%3D&episode=NDcwMGRhN2EtNTMwOC0xMWU4LThlMDctOTdmMDI4ZGY2YWI5

Take Notice

I hope your week is off to a good start!  I am re-using an anecdote from last summer with a short update.  It's based on the principle we have been committing to live out as a Board.  It's the principle of noticing.

Have you ever had a similar experience?  Coming into work one morning when my office was in the Oliver Building, I thought I was being gracious holding the elevator for a woman who was running to catch it.  As she hurriedly got on I asked her what floor she wanted me to push for her.  When she replied "12" which was the same floor as me, I asked her who she had an appointment with that morning.  She looked at me quizzically and responded, “I work here, Mr. Buda.”  As the elevator door opened I quickly spit out, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you.”

 I wasn’t lying.  But I would have been more accurate if I had said, “I’ve never noticed you.” Each Monday I email you encouraging us to love our neighbors at work.  To care for them.  To be there for them.  To pray for them.  Perhaps, to even invite them to be part of our PX group. 

None of that happens, unless we first NOTICE them. A precursor of knowing someone, is noticing them.  That means intentionally walking through your office and this world with your eyes up, with them open to your neighbor. On purpose. Intentionally.

If we love our neighbors, before doing anything else we must see our neighbors. With our imagination as well as our eyes, that is to say, like artists, we must see, not just their faces but the life behind and within their faces.  Here it is love that is the frame we see them in.   Frederick Buechner

Since I shared this anecdote last summer, a friend mentioned he has tried to notice people around him more intentionally. He made sure to greet and get to know the two attendants in the garage in which he parks during the week.  A couple of weeks ago as he pulled up he noticed the garage sign said "Full."  As he started to roll by to look for another place to park, he noticed one of the attendants waving him down.  When he rolled down his window the attendant told him to pull in and leave him the keys and he would take care of him.  When my friend said, "I thought you were full," he was told,"There is always room for a friend."

My buddy did not "notice" this man with expectations of any favors.  He did it because it was the right thing to do. And after 6 months of "noticing,"  he had made a friend. Imagine the impact we could have by intentionally noticing people with  whom we work  40 or more hours a week. 

Sit up. Take notice. Be available. Make a positive impact on the world around you.

Be A Leader

As a former wrestler and current coach, this is the time of year where dreams of championships are either fulfilled or crushed. I've been able to celebrate lots of victories and deal with even more losses. Over the years I have noticed how people celebrate victories and handle defeat. I've never seen someone win a championship without, at least, a small contingent of teammates, coaches, friends and family celebrating with them. But for every victor, there is a vanquished opponent. Their corner is often more scarcely populated. Teammates have filtered out to watch the next match. Coaches often give a pat on a back and give them space to deal with the pain.

That's often the case in life. Everybody wants to be part of the victory parade. Less want to be part of picking up the pieces of a crushing defeat. Make sure you have people in your life who will stick by you in hard times. People who will be there after a poor business decision, a moral failure, or an obvious wrong choice. People who stick with you when your stock price is tanking. Have people in your life who will pick you up from in front of the bus, not throw you under it. Want to BE a leader? Be the person to others that you would want in your life when things go south. Be someone's friend when it's no longer popular to be that person's friend. Fair weather friends are a dime a dozen. Be the unique human who is worth more than gold!

Leading Through Humility

Good Monday morning to you all!  I am guessing some of you are off work for President's Day, while others of you are sitting at your desk!  Wherever you are, be the best you, you can be,  And don't be afraid to admit when you haven't been!  I read this interesting excerpt this morning.

What makes someone a strong leader? One characteristic that is often overlooked is humility. The best managers acknowledge their weaknesses and aren’t afraid to show their vulnerabilities. It’s tempting to want colleagues to see you only at your best, but that’s a bad way to lead. For one thing, it’s unsustainable. We’re all human, and we all make mistakes. Sooner or later, you will, too. For another, leading is about connecting. People will follow you, work hard for you, and sacrifice for you if they feel connected to you. And they won’t feel that way if you only let them see what you think will impress them. So don’t be afraid to own up to the areas where you aren’t perfect. If it helps, think of it this way: You aren’t weak; you have weaknesses. There is a difference

http://m.a.email.hbr.org/rest/head/mirrorPage/@b5ZljVfZFcbf9uKHX4Ar7BR6nCDSDRZR1lwYQetwoJuRDARm7NqipZjunX0XrAZFLPh402KmWjtHH8KxhbxTN1mKiLViGdlg7m-17HsmTnaNpWL4.html?deliveryName=DM27750

Years ago when I was coaching high school football, we had a rule of no cursing in practice. If a player cursed, he had to run a lap. One day I got a little over-excited and a word slipped out of my lips that shouldn't have.  Immediately a bunch of kids excitedly yelled, "Run a lap, Coach!."  Which I did without comment,  When I finished, another coach grabbed me and was livid.  His reason?  We were adults, and the same rules didn't apply to us.

I've made plenty of mistakes in leadership decisions.  I would contend running that lap was not one of them. You want to be a great leader? Don't be above admitting your mistakes. It will take you a long way down the road to being a respected and effective leader of men and women.